I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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