The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
