how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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