watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
