I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
