After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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