Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
