roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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