you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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