if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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