Please, let me fuck your mom
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
