textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Come on in and take your pants off
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