If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
