yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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