when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
