I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
