Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
