I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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