We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
