you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
