:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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