At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
