I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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