shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
