She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
