i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
babies were throwing up all over the place
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
