I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
