What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
