I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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