areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
