The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
