Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize