These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
