Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
