i don't like sucking hair
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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