I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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