sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
