You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
