it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
