bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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