yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
