I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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