I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
