remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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