Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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