God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
