I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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