just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
