i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize