the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
