They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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