remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
