ugly people sure do ruin things
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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