She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
