I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
