last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
