People in love make me want to vomit
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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