I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
