...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
