Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
