Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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