her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
