too bad you live with your parents still
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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