just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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