I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
