Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
