To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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