If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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